What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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