also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
