So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I want to fling myself into the sun
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
