Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
