those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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