somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
