we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Randomize
