Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Someone came in the potted fern
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
