So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She told me I should be a condom model.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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