saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
