one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
