just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
