Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
