mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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