All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
