You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
