I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
