When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
