took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
