he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
