the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
