The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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