Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
