how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
