I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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