Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
