This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
