I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
