You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
