i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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