Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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