You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
