somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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