you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
