Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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