I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
