Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
