We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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