id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
