I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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