I can tuck mytits in my pants
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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