i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
