so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
