she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
