at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
