Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
