god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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