dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
