I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
