if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
