it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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