Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
